Dealing with The End

I have finally admitted to myself that my poker career is over. I didn't want to say it but the facts are there. Since Black Friday an American really can't safely play online. Sure, you can still play on a few sites but the risk is still high. Depositing and, more importantly withdrawals, are difficult. Plus the move to Houston ended my home game and bar game runs as well. I just don't play anymore.

So why have I waited until now to "retire"? The final straw happened when I discovered I couldn't get PokerTracker3 to work anymore. I had all my record-keeping in there. Well, not true, I do have stuff on paper but its not the same. I can't look back at old hand histories with that. So its all gone. With that I just threw up my hands and said "I'm done with this shit" and deleted it all. Poof.

I managed to withdraw off of a couple of sites but I still have money stuck on a couple of others, not including the Full Tilt and UB fiasco shit. Considering that I technically have about $100 or so that I *could* play with. I just don't feel like it anymore. Today I actually had a little time and opened up one of the rooms and logged in. I stared at the SNG lobby for about two minutes, said "nah" and closed it back down. Nothing excited me. The traffic there was iffy at best. I just couldn't get myself interested enough to take it seriously. For a moment I thought maybe I'd find a game to blow all I had on there in one game, all or nothing like... but nope, even that didn't interest me.

A week ago I tried being "reckless" and took the $40 or so I had on one site and played blackjack with it. I ended up winning $15, LOL. Then I saw they are having a special poker series with low buy-ins. Looking at it, I could play in nine of them before I went broke, assuming I do not cash. In the back of my mind I just wanted to keep the option open since it starts next week. Will I actually sit down and play? Right now I doubt it. But I wanted to keep the idea open.

The other site I have cash on is a site that my buddy Marc also has cash "trapped" on and I think he still plays on there. I kep thinking that maybe I'd do the same, maybe joining a few games with him like we used to. Again, do I really have the desire to play? Just in case, just in case... I'm saving the money instead of trying to blow it in the casino on the site, even though I wanna be reckless and just risk it all on black or something.

Bah, I'm rambling now. Who cares. Poker was fun and certainly profitable while it lasted. Thanks to people like Jennifear, Stu, Scott, Vincent, Marc and countless others for helping me with strategy, confidence and sanity. Thnaks to my wife, Maggie, for putting up with screaming in the middle of the night (good and bad). I'll miss poker. Who knows, maybe I'll be back.